“Bring thyself to account ere thou art summoned to a reckoning…”

Time for an accounting. I’ve been writing nearly everyday on this blog since March—since I was nearing the end of eleven months of taking five highly abusive medical drugs to rid my liver of a deadly virus—jury’s still out on whether it worked . . .

From the New York Times: Uncertainties About the Role of Doubt in Religion “Religious faith was once the air everyone, even the doubter, breathed. Today, religious faith, in its many forms, stands as but one possibility alongside a range of nonreligious outlooks that the honest believer cannot simply dismiss as deluded or depraved.
“Religious thinkers, of course, have long argued that uncertainty and faith are not the polar opposites often supposed; that indifference, and not doubt, for example, is the greater adversary of faith; that absolute certitude about God often reflects a dangerous arrogance.”

I’ve been trying to live up to my Faith for almost twenty years now—struggling against my grasping ego—contending with the oh, so easy rationalizations to just be “human”; imperfections flowering into weeds of uncertainty.

This blog is part of my personal covenant with God—hopeful action to stave off the demons of doubt.

I value the feedback I receive from my visitors, especially the indicators of which posts are the most viewed (see the far right sidebar). I struggle to interpret what’s going on in the world in terms of my Faith and post my thoughts and feelings here. What people choose to read is a “message” to me—a wake-up call—about how my private efforts are connected to other members of our human family . . .

So…

Thought I’d take the current most-viewed-posts and put them together (for my meditation and, hopefully, your edification) in these files:

Word File ——— PDF File
For an undetermined reason the Word file didn’t hold the images.
If you’re able, download the PDF…

~~~~~~~~~

“Examine the wondrous behaviour of the Prophets, and recall the defamations and denials uttered by the children of negation and falsehood, perchance you may cause the bird of the human heart to wing its flight away from the abodes of heedlessness and doubt unto the nest of faith and certainty, and drink deep from the pure waters of ancient wisdom, and partake of the fruit of the tree of divine knowledge. Such is the share of the pure in heart of the bread that hath descended from the realms of eternity and holiness.”
Bahá’u’lláh, The Kitab-i-Iqan, p. 5

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The Battle’s Over !


In a previous post, I pointed to the growing epidemic nature of Hepatitis C.

I’ve posted here many times concerning my responses to the side effects of what I’ve called the “abusive” drugs I took for the treatment… Yes, “took”.

Today is the first day, after eleven months, that I will not take them! I must have tests at six months and a year to see if the virus is really gone but my immediate battle is over !!

Now, to lick my wounds by working to rid my body of the traces of the drugs (2 – 6 months)…

I want to add a remark I left on the Group, alt.support.hepatitis.c, and the response from one of the most compassionate and knowledgable members of that Group:

~~~

Hey, Fellow Dragon-Slayers, On Wednesday the 30th of April I cease the intake (48 weeks–type 1a) of the “abusive” drugs. I’m well aware I have three most important dates after that–results of the blood draw on that day and the 6 month and one year checks. Still, I’ve been doing some blogging about my experience (including the growing epidemic nature of Hep C) and I want to celebrate the 30th in the blog. You can definitely help. Tell the world how you felt when you stopped taking the drugs. God knows what my percentage is for complete SVR or a “cure”; still, I’m overjoyed about cessation of the drugs!!! Will you help me make my blog shimmer and glow that day?!? ~ Alex


~~~


Well, I dunno about “shimmer and glow”, but here’s what I remember…The last shot of Peg, and a week later, the last handful of Ribavirin, left me feeling elated, relieved – and anxious as heck. I had even mentioned here that – after the full 48 weeks and total compliance to the regimen – I was leery of
stopping the meds. I had been clear from the first VL test (at 12 weeks) through to the end, but being a g1b with a lot of strikes against success, even though I was still anemic as hell throughout therapy, it felt “safer” to just keep taking the drugs, to keep on keeping the virus at bay.

Of course, I stopped on schedule. It would have crazy to keep going 😉 And I was very lucky in the SVR Sweepstakes…and still am.

Cheers

/greyhackles


Digg!

Food . . .

If you like this short post, you might also appreciate the more recent one:
Food, Crisis, and the Human Spirit.

Just barely getting back my appetite for Real Food (the Hep C drugs really mess with stomachs and feelings for “comfort” foods).

Learning a lot about Whole and Raw Foods.

Some days I’m completely surprised I still have a living body considering the decades of self-imposed abuse.

I must have a soul holding me up . . .

‘Course, there’s food and there’s Food:

“O God! ….Prepare for us the Food of Love! Give to us the Food of Knowledge! Bestow upon us the Food of Heavenly Illumination!”

The Compilation of Compilations vol. I, p. 429

Chiaroscuro . . .

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“Chiaroscuro (Italian for clear-dark) is a term in art for a contrast between light and dark.”

Yesterday, I received the last month’s supply of the “abusive” drugs I’ve been taking to eliminate the Hep C virus from my liver.

Today, I officially began a new business [ see the nutrition banner and the links below it ].

The Dark is diminishing, the Light is rising . . .

However, it’s like I told a business associate today: It had to be God that got me through the last ten months. I know it because I know my own strength—mental, emotional, and physical—and it had to be God’s strength . . .

How Ya Feelin’ ?

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Now, don’t take this post as a resumption of daily blogging. . . Gonna take a bit of healing to get back to that.

I may be just a month and nine days from stopping the ingestion and injection of what I call abusive drugs, but, like I told my psychiatrist at the VA today:

Imagine someone ripping out your fingernails; one… two… three… four . . .

They notice you’re not feeling well, at all, and say, “Hey, we’re only doing one hand and there’s only one finger to go.”

Yeah, right. Stop cheering me up, o.k.?

What’s the point?

garden-23.jpg

Someone recently asked me what I thought the point of my writing is.

Here was my response to them:

Suffice it to say that I believe in Spirit over Matter and in One God
Who gives us all we have.

I try to reflect those beliefs in my three blogs and in my books.

The fact remains that my liver was infected with a deadly virus and
I’m doing the treatment for that. I’m also trying to portray what
it’s like to suffer through the Hep C treatment and look ahead to
better days…

Some of my humor is “dark” and I’m aware the drugs do warp things a bit.

I “caught” the virus because, for far too many years, I was not close
to God… But, now that I have it, I can’t just think or pray it away.
God is Merciful but is also Ultimate Justice.

I’m “paying” for a loose lifestyle. Some would call it burning off Karma…